A Beautiful Mess

And they’re always be something there for you, and you’ll never be alone.

Happy July, loves. Isn’t it incredible how more than half of 2011 is over? Wow. Incredible how time slips away so fast. And how so much- so much -can change in the short amount of time that the new year started until now. Sigh. Anyways, what are your plans for the fourth? I’m afraid I don’t have any. Independance Day isn’t particuarlly celebrated in my household, other than a barbeque; and I doubt we’re having one of those… lack of a grill and lack of funds for a grill, you see. No matter. I think I’ll just pop on a frozen pizza that day and enjoy my air-conditioned room with the help of a few movies. Maybe I’ll be able to see a few fireworks from my window. If not, it’ll be fine. Like I said, Independance Day isn’t truly a holiday for me. No one is truly free, are we?

Speaking of July, I can officially say that from the first until now, I have, without a doubt, shot a two month long regain of my diet straight to hell. Ugh. Don’t blame me… French fries and ice cream are both far too tempting to resist. I shant get upset about it. It will only stress me out and halt my on-going weight loss, which I can gladly say, I’ve lost about 15 pounds and I’ve greatly improved my strength and stamina. I think I’ll resume my diet after the weekend. No sense of starting off when everyone will be shoving barbeque and frozen soda in your face. I’ll just have to watch my portions and up my water intake. And I deserve a break. In the past two months, I have only had three or four days where I’ve been lazy. Four out of sixty isn’t bad. It’s not bad at all. :)

And I have succeded in finding some new music. I’m delighted. It’s this band called LCD Soundsystem. I heard of them on an episode of “Skins”- Cassie’s episode in the second season (my God, I cried in that episode…) and I’m so upset I hadn’t heard of them before. Apparently, they’re album was critically acclaimed. I can see why. Their song called “New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down” is wonderously beautiful. Lyrically lovely and melodically facinating. If I could play piano, I’d cover it it a second. The song makes me wish I lived in New York so I could dramatically look out of my window after a bad day and fully have the lyrics benefit my position. But, alas… I am in Chicago. And New York is not bringing me down.

I am sort of down though. It’s like a sadness I can’t explain. I just feel… empty. Lost. Emotionless. Nothing is really helping me. I miss my friend. She’s far away in Wisconsin and I know she’s dealing with things in her life, so I don’t like to bother her my messes. She’s seriously the sweetest girl in the world and I don’t need her worring about me. But I miss her. I always try to help her feel better by sending her a few songs, but I doubt they ever help. I probably just annoy her. But she’s all I have and I love her. I hope her heart is unbroken… it tends to fall apart every now and then. But then again, that’s what intrigues me about her; she’s constantly broken and plauged with emotional scars, but she’s always there for someone. Isn’t that brilliant? She’s lovely and I’m so damn blessed to have her as a friend sister. Damn blessed, indeed.

It’s dreadfully hot. Humid and sticky, is more like it. How am I suppose to hunt for a job if I think I’ll melt in the process? I despise summer. Thank goodness it only lasts three months. The heat makes you completely worn out and tired. For the past week, I’ve been passing out at about 9 every night and waking up at four, looking like an idiot, sitting up in the dark. I normally would be upset about it, but tonight when I woke up, the movie “The Silence of the Lambs” was on and I quickly lost my rage against summer. I love that movie. Anthony Hopkins is such a brilliant actor and might I add, very good looking. Pity he’s so much older. If he was say, about 52 years younger and still had that lovely raspy voice, my God, he wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m so sorry if I just disturbed you with that last few sentences. My mind is quite disturbed, anyways. I just said “The Silence of the Lambs” was one of my favorite movies. Anyone who says that must be a little disturbed. I’ll try to make it better… “Glee” and Darren Criss. There now. Better? Good. Also… am I the only female on Tumblr that doesn’t think Darren Criss is attractive? I figured that. Forever alone.

It’s about 11 in the morning now. I think I’m going to go and walk my dog before I get back in the bed. I do hope they’re not setting off the fireworks now. Unfortunatly, where I live, they set them off the week before July until after the fourth, day and night. Why, I don’t know, but it puts me in a very horrible position whilst walking my dog. He’s terrified of the noise and he just stops in mid-walk whenever he hears it and never finishes his business outside. It’s terrible. Especially when he freezes in the middle of the yard. It’s very hard to push 140 pounds of an Alaskan Malamute across a yard when he’s afraid, the big baby. So, hopefully, they will hold off on the Katy Perry way of life this morning.

Hope you guys have a terrific rest of the weekend. Bye now. <3