A Beautiful Mess

I’ve got troubled thoughts and a self-esteem to match. What a catch.

‘Ello, loves. How’s your week been? Mine has been somewhat productive. I’ve upped myself to be able to run for at the most 22 seconds on my elliptical. It’s quite an accomplishment, considering I am NOT a runner, nor have a longing to be one, but I’ve been wanting to build up my lungs for a while. And it’s quite an acomplishment, indeed. I’ve also been able ro reverse my sleeping habits back to “normal”, shall we say… from where I’ve been sleeping until noon, now that it’s summer, and staying up all night. I now get disasterously tired around 10 at night and have a yearning to go to bed earlier, the latest at 3 AM. From me going to bed at 8 in the morning for two years, it’s a huge change. A needed one, actually. If I plan to get a job, having insomnia won’t fit in well, will it? Yes. I suppose not. So, in the last two weeks, I’ve changed dramatically, I would say. Doesn’t change happen so suddenly, when you least expect it? Scary… yet fascinating. And a bit overwhelming. Ahh. ‘Tis life.

Speaking of getting a job, I’ve got to level my search for one tenfold. I’ve spent the whole month of June lagging at it and I really need one. No more being lazy. I promise you: by the end of July, before my birthday, I will have a job. Done. But, can you believe June is over? Amazing how time flies right before your eyes, isn’t it? I still hate summer, if you’re wondering. The heat has been horrid here. And, as we speak, there is a large and disgusting wasp hovering over my window. Summer sickens me. The bugs, the heat, the crowded places. Ugh. If I could move to Dublin right this second, in a heartbeat, I would. Normally, I’d say London… but Dublin, Ireland is known for cooler weather… and now, it’s needed greatly.

Do any of you watch “The Voice”, or have seen the end of it? I don’t like it. For one, I think it’s a cheap rip-off of “American Idol” by a mile, and two, I think it’s completely and utterly unfair. The man who won, I cannot stand. They over-used his audition for the show promos, so EVERYONE saw him before everyone else, and he was dubed “The Greatest” because all of the judges turned around for him. That’s not fair. And the contestant that got the most publicity, Frenchie Davis, was on Broadway for a while after she was on “American Idol”, which is also not fair. How can you have someone there who has stage experience AND has been on television before where a signifigant amount of people saw her and new her? And perhaps the biggest and noteworthy mention of unfairness… Dia. Half of you know her. Why? She’s from Meg & Dia. They’ve had an album. They’ve been signed to a label. She’s on tour with very well-known artists. She has a fanbase. And she’s all on this stage, talking about how scared she is and how inexperienced she is. It’s a damn shame. So, let me get this straight… you want to be a singer, you try out, you get on the show, but then you have to compete against a guy who’s been in the promos for a month and everyone knows he’s “great”, a seasoned Broadway chick who’s been on a talent search before and everyone has sympathy for, or a dropped recording artist who has already been on tour, has had an album, and has a unsaid underground fanbase. Fair? Not at all. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: you can’t beat “American Idol” and you never will, because at least they give EVERYONE a fair chance. And for the record, Beverly should have won. Just thought I’d mention that.

I think I’m going to head to bed for a nap. I’ve got a splitting headache. I’m going to put my headphones on and drift away into a deep slumber. Speaking of which, what are you listening to? I’ve been into my usual: Fall Out Boy, Janis Joplin, and Billy Joel. Just really anything. I’ve been meaning to make a list of new songs I need… I’ve already got one off the top of my head that contains at least 20 different people/groups. Maybe I’ll go hunting on YouTube tomorrow in the “Related Video” tabs under videos of songs I already love. I’m sure to find something. I’ve also got to re-polish my nails tomorrow. I had gotten my mother to polish them a beautiful color… let’s call it “Dreamboat Blue”, shall we? I’d say the name, but all it has on the bottle is the number “75” on it.  Anyways, it’s this wonderous pearly blue that has hints of powder and chrome color in and and I’m in love with it. I had her do my feet and hands. And I do every single possible thing to keep my polish intact for my hands… EVERYTHING. And no matter what…. they always. Fucking. Chip. And with my toes, I bang them and scuff them… and nothing. They’re fine. It’s my hands that want to get all bipolar and chip when they want to. Disasterous.

Ah, well. Toodle-loo, lovelies. <3

You come along because I love your face, and I’ll admire your expensive taste.

How are you, my lovely followers? Having a good summer? Is the anticipation of the new Harry Potter movie killing you? Are you enjoying sleeping in? How are you, loves? I ask because I missed this week’s blog. Terribly sorry. Forgive me. I’m literally running in circles to find a job and I’m hastily improving my workout routine and it tires me to no end. I’ve just gotten out of the shower and I’m feeling lovely. I just wanted to catch up before I head to bed.. which I’m actually sleeping at night. Isn’t that incredible?! :)

Don’t think that I’ve forgotten about that post I’ve spoken about in the last blog… I’m still working on it. It will be especially dear to those whom have grown up in the 90’s. Kids like me. Us misfits who are seeing this generation be bombarded with horrid television shows, ghastly toys, time-wasting gadgets and lack of imagination. It’s taking a while to get everything together… but expect it. You won’t be disappointed.

And new music? I’m in love with the new Maroon 5 and I’ve been listening to Panic! at the Disco a lot. But if anyone has any good music, I’ll be happy to check it out. I’m currently listening to lots of Mumford & Sons. They’re smashing. :)

I suspect you’ve heard the news about them legalizing gay marriage in New York? Isn’t it wonderful!!? I’ve seen the pictures of people embracing in the streets and couples crying in their lover’s arms. It really is beautiful. Now, don’t get me wrong- I am Christian. I know what the Bible says about gay people… but honestly… I’d rather see people love in the street like that than hate each other. It’s really a no brainer. I mean, you’d rather see two men hold guns and kill one another, humans, in war than to see them hold hands? I don’t get it. I’d like to see all of the homophobes go one day without needing a homosexual. Gays run fashion and art, gay men are HILARIOUS, and lesbians are seriously some of the sweetest people in the world. One of my closest friends was gay. And the fact that some people can look at these children and teenagers killing themselves because they feel they don’t belong and there’s something wrong with them… it breaks my heart. Us kids today have enough trouble just trying to fit in the world just as people and how we look and what we like. To be judged morally on WHO you like is horrible. If the world can’t accept who you are and say you can’t love who you want to, what is there to live for? We all just want to be accepted. We all just want to have a friend who will love us, scars and flaws and all. Spread love. (And might I add… Dumbledore was gay. How in the world could we live without Dumbledore in our lives? HOW!?)

‘Tis all, I suppose. I need to check my Twitter and feed my Neopet… maybe if I’m not nodding off from lack of sleep, I can catch a “Skins” episode before I head to bed. I hope you all have a lovely rest of the weekend.

Bye-bye. <3